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Elsa McLaughlin

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(no subject) [Dec. 10th, 2007|12:42 pm]
Elsa McLaughlin
This is a post for lil B, so she doesn't have a nervous breakdown.

What is new in my life...hmm...

Well, Big Love is done, which means I have more time to do things like eat and breathe. I got an ACTF nomination, which is pretty sick. Now I have to find a partner, two scenes and a monologue. A lot of work that I have not even started on yet, but I'm still pretty stoked about the nom. Here's some pics of the show...

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This is me singing "You Don't Own Me" with the girl who played Lydia. This dress was so pretty. Each of the three sisters had a designer that made a dress for them, and my designer was a genius. One day she'll be famous...

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Here's Ty talking to a wet, half naked girl (he was Giulianno, the girl is Lydia). That'll never happen again.

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This is mostly for you, B. There's me as Olympia, the girl next to me is Lydia and the one in front of us is Thyona.

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Death. After all the husbands were killed, the wives pulled red scarves out of them and threw them into the air. Think...Chicago, Cell Block Tango.

So, that's the gist of our show. It was fun, but I'm glad it's over and all my bruises can heal.

On the love front, Paul and I are still together. I'm really into him. I've never had a boyfriend that wanted to include me in his life so much. Well, I have, but they annoyed the shit out of me. Paul does it in a more...fun way. For example, money is very tight in his family. For the past ten years, his mother has been collecting Swarovski crystal snowflakes (they come out with a new design every year). We were over at his house, helping to decorate for Christmas when she told us she wasn't going to be able to buy the snowflake this year. Paul had been teasing her about how she has too many, and she said, "Well, this year money is a little extra tight so I'm not going to get my snowflake. We really just can't spare the money." (the ornament is $70. She can't spare $70 on herself).

Well, when we got back to school, Paul turned to me and said, "I'm going to sell prints and get my mom that ornament." I told him that was really nice and he said, "Well, she's always been there for me" (he may have a tiny felony on his record, and his mom helped him through that). He told me he wanted to me to come over when he gave her the ornament, and I told him no, because that was a Paul-and-his-mom moment, a family moment. He just swatted my butt and said, "Stupid. You are family. You're coming."

I know, right?

Auditions for the next show, "Once Upon This Island" are tonight. My audition is at 6:36, and I have a sore throat. I was hacking up a lung this morning in Paul's room, and I dramatically died on his floor from consumption. He just told me I was a horrible actress and made me go to my piano class. My throat soothing tea and mug are in Paul's room, and he's off getting high, so I'll have to suffer a little longer.

I'll be home for vacation probably on the 20th. Hopefully people will be around, cause Castleton is in bum-fuck nowhere, and I need some Burlington in my life.

So there, B. Proof I'm not dead. I wanna see pics of your Big Love. I'm trying to find some on the Johnson website, but no luck!
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(no subject) [Sep. 24th, 2007|12:47 pm]
Elsa McLaughlin
Two more attacks on campus. One physical assault, and another rape. Also, a derranged man was arrested after being found hiding in the women's locker room at the pool. We made CNN, for Chrissakes. Thank God my parents don't have TV, or else I would be getting packages of mace in bulk from mother.

In happier news, there's a new man. His name is Paul, and he is glorious. Twenty-one year old photographer with two mommies, gauged ears and a lip ring. Delicious. He broke my tall, skinny and hairless streak with his little Buddha belly and scruffy chin. We cuddle in bed together and watch slasher films. He makes me smile.

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Hopefully that works. I hope you all are having as much fun avoiding rape and finding love as I am.

kiss kiss, Elsa
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hmm hmm hmmmmmm [Sep. 14th, 2007|01:55 pm]
Elsa McLaughlin
School has been in session for about three weeks now. My friend Lauren is in class, and since I don't want to go to lunch alone, I'm starving to death in my computer chair. This may be my last post because I can feel my life slipping away from lack of nourishment.

Another depressing thing is that there has been two rapes on campus just this year. The first one was the suitemate of one of my friends. Apparently they took her in the woods, raped her and beat the shit out of her. The next girl fought back, so he gave up trying to rape her and just beat the shit out of her too. They sent out emails to everyone describing the rapist as an "intoxicated, brown haired, teenage male". Awesome. That's pretty much covers the whole rugby, baseball, basketball, swim team, and most of the theater department.

I've never really been scared of being attacked before. I've always thought I could pretty much take care of myself, but for some reason I'm pretty freaked out. Maybe it's because this is such a small campus that you almost are guaranteed to know everyone by face. It would be like 2 girls getting raped in your high school.

All my guy friends are lecturing us on not walking alone at night and swapping stories about what they would do if a girl they knew got attacked and how they would fuck someone up. Lauren always has mace in her purse, and I've always made fun of her for it, but now I'm thinking about getting some. I mean, I just got into Big Love, and it's a pretty good role. I'll be walking home late a night from rehearsals a lot.

Deffinately won't be telling mother about this though. The poor woman is neuratic enough.

Lauren just called. I get to eat! Thank GOD. Anywho, I hope all of you guys are having a good year so far and are rape-free for the most part.

Kiss kiss kiss kiss
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ADVICE SVP [Aug. 21st, 2007|04:29 pm]
Elsa McLaughlin
So last year, my mother, in a fit of money scrimping, bought me my sheets and such out of the school catalog. When they arrived, they were about the texture of paper and as warm as a t-shirt and shorts. I used them all last year out of pure laziness to go through the process of buying more, but this year mother has decided to get me some new things. So, I went to my favorite store's website (Delias.com) and checked out their bedclothes. I narrowed it down to two sets, but I need your help. Here are the two styles I'm thinking of, tell me what you think. These are going to last me the next 2-3 years, so I had better like them. However, I can't decide, so I need your help.

http://store.delias.com/browse.do?categoryKey=roomwares.room.victorian&splashTrack=room

This is just pure class. I would get the sheets and the duvet cover, and possibly the cameo pillow, if I'm really nice. I love the classy Victorian look to it, and the colors look good in any setting.


http://store.delias.com/browse.do?categoryKey=roomwares.room.pop&splashTrack=room

This one speaks for itself in the awesomeness category. I would be sleeping in music!! I would get the sheets and duvet cover for this too, and my mother likes the little piano rug so that may get thrown in as well. However, the cons for this are: I hate pink, and, is it too flashy? The pink isn't the primary color here, so that could be overlooked. But it still seems pretty loud. It's still really frieking awesome though.

Ok, I need you all to vote. I told my mom I would give her an answer by tomorrow, so quick quick quick!

In other, sadder news.

Today we put Cleo to sleep. A couple of weeks ago, she had a stroke and lost control of her hind legs. We had to carry her outside to pee, hold her up while she drank, and pretty much feed her by hand. Her eyesight was going, so when she did try and crawl around, she usually ended up getting stuck somewhere, and we'd have to go save her.

They gave us some pills, but when they ran out and there was no change in her health, we decided it was the best thing to do. I went with mom and my brother to the vets, but when I saw them hold her down for the shot, I ran away and cried in the car.

We had Cleo for 12 years, and it's going to be really sad not to have her around anymore. She was my bedwarmer in the winter, kept all of my secrets, and bit every boyfriend I brought into the house. She was a princess to the end, and snubbed the nurse who tried to give her a cheap doggie treat.

It seemed really odd sleeping with Cleo last night and talking to her this morning. It was like, we're taking her in to kill her in a few hours, and she's just sitting there looking at me like nothing is wrong. How bizarre is this?

If any of you knew Cleo, you know how hard this is for me. She was my baby, so matter how old she was. I feel good knowing that she's not in pain anymore, but it still sucks big time.

When I was outside the vet crying, this old man who was working on the gardens came over. He had brought his two little yorkie terriers with him, and he put them in my lap and let me hold them until mom and pat came out to get me. They were really old too, but they were still really lively and licked my face and made me smile. It's pretty amazing what a cheerful dog can do to a persons mood.

My parents say they don't want to get another dog for a while. I'm off at school, and Patrick's starting his senior year, so they don't have a lot of time to train and care for a puppy. I sort of wish they would get a new dog, because I miss Cleo so much that having another animal for me to cuddle with would make it a lot easier.

Well, that's all. We're going to the Hathaways for dinner and a game night. Kat will understand what it's like to lose a pet, so it'll be a nice night. I just hope I don't ruin in with crying.

So anyways, please help me with the sheets decision. It'll help me take my mind of Cleo and brighten up my dorm room a little bit.

kiss kiss,
Elsa
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(no subject) [Aug. 5th, 2007|08:09 am]
Elsa McLaughlin
Today is going to be a bad day.

I know this, because all signs are pointing to the fact that today is just not going to go the way I want it to.

First off: My parents wake me up at 7:15 telling me that they would like me to go to church with them because I haven't been in a while. Fine. Whatever. I can't really fight with them about church. My plan was to sleep till 8, throw some clothes on and be in the car by 8:10. I wake my ass up, get dressed, and walk out of my room to see my parents driving away. I WOKE UP got out of bed GOT DRESSED and walked out to GO TO FRIGGEN CHURCH and they LEFT WITHOUT ME! It's not so much that I want to go to church, it's the frieking principle.

Next up, I asked for Sunday and Monday off from work so that Andrew and I could go to Canada. Guess who didn't get Sunday and Monday off from work? Me! And not only that, the two shifts are CLOSING shifts, which are the absolute worst because there is SO much more to do. So I called around to a couple of stores and I got one girl to cover it from 2-5pm, but that still leaves the store down a closer.

To get out of my shift for tonight (it's 2pm-9:45) Andrew and I have an elaborate plan. I'm going to paint bags under my eyes, get all pale and look shitty, and Andrew is going to say that he's taking me to the doctor's office because I'm dying. I'm going to get a cup of tea or some bullshit, and then look to see who I'm closing with. If it's the manager, we're fucked. If it's someone cool, I'm gonna see if I can get the pre-closer to just stay a little later.

If that doesn't work, I'm just going to go in, and pretend to throw up several times during the day and hope they send me home early.

So you see, today just bodes for a shitty day. I really hope it goes well, but all signs are pointing to me ending it in a temper tantrum.

::sigh::

Wish me luck.

I am an actress. I can do this. I am willing to do a lot just to get smashed.
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possible spoilers? I tried to be sneaky... [Jul. 25th, 2007|09:50 am]
Elsa McLaughlin
So I just finished the book. You know. THE book. I actually officially finished it around 2 am yesterday, and I was exhausted, so I may go back and re-read a little. Hell, it's the last book, I might as well appreciate it and not just speed-read to see if Harry dies.

I hope this isn't much of a spoiler, but from now on, whenever I say I want to make hot love to all the Weasleys kids, from oldest to youngest, Their mother is now added to that list. I didn't know they could use such language in a childrens book! JK, you naughty thing.

I did feel a bit like crying at parts, I'm not going to lie. But then I felt stupid for crying over a fantasy book, so I didn't.

Any may I just say, that two years ago, Johannes took me out to dinner and when we were discussing HP, he TOTALLY called the whole Snape/Dumbledore thing. And I do agree with Mariah about the fanfiction-y feel. Still, very cute. For some reason I liked it when JK wrote it, and not some crazed fangirl did.

I hope I didn't spoil too much for people. I tried being secretive and clever, but if I did, feel free to leave me an angry comment. I'll understand.
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(no subject) [Jul. 15th, 2007|07:44 pm]
Elsa McLaughlin
Today was a pretty dead day at Starbucks. I guess when it's sunny and not raining, people aren't thinking of hot coffee drinks. This made it an easy day for me, but a depressing day, because I viewed said sunshine and lack-of-rain from the inside of a store. However, I do have tomorrow off, so maybe the dry sunshine will last one more day, just for me.

While I was driving home, contemplating the very-likely-to-be-boring night ahead of me, I saw a big 'ole banner for the Jared Williams foundation. Now, this is probably a result of my vitamin-d deprived mood, but I got to thinking some depressing thoughts.

I realized I hadn't thought of Jared in a really long time. Maybe his name had passed through my thoughts, but I hadn't actually THOUGHT of him for quite some time. I remember when Jared first died, there was the mourning, and the concerts to raise money for cancer, and the school award was created, and all that stuff. Now, it takes a huge yellow and purple banner in the middle of main street for me even to remember he existed. I know that sounds absolutely horrible, but I that's why I don't voice these things. Andrea and I used to go over to the William's house to walk their dog and swim in their pool. While I didn't know Jared extremely well, we smiled at each other in the halls and said hi.

Sam was much closer to me than Jared. And maybe it's because it's been almost five years since Jared died, but I can't help but wonder if the same thing will happen to Sam. John, Diane, Max and Gabe and their family will NEVER forget him, I know this, but what about everyone else? The kids who were in his classes, his teachers, friends of friends. Will they remember Sam 6 years from now? I think of Sam every time I'm alone for more than five minutes, but what about next year? Will Flogging Molly still make me sad? Will I be able to listen to "For Good" without crying?

The Cohns are doing much more than the Williams' did to commemorate their son. I saw a boy today who was wearing a "Sam Cohn" t-shirt. However, it was still the loss of a life. The loss of a son and a friend. Isn't that worth remembering? Even in the very back of your mind, shouldn't you still remember him? Maybe Jared's parents want their son's memory to be kept quiet, because keeping it alive would be too painful.

John said once in his blog that his throat ached when he thought of Sam because he needed to talk about him more. That is was the pain of his thoughts going unvoiced and building up inside his throat. Whenever someone asks about Sam or I tell a story about him, I feel short of breath. Like my normal breathing isn't enough oxygen, and I need to suck more air into my lungs. My throat aches too, so maybe I need to talk some more. I'm still not really sure who to go to though. My mother is so cold and dry that she would say I was being dramatic and maybe it's PMS? My father and my brother aren't really comfortable with big displays of emotion or deep talks about feelings. They'd rather yell and hit things, or in Patrick's case, get high and drunk alone in his room. Andrew is simply a self-absorbed douche, and Brittany would rather discuss her boyfriend's lack of phone calls than my lack of shoulders to cry on.

Well I don't like getting high unless there's something for me to do, and I don't need the calories drinking entails. Andrew really doesn't care about me, and I can't take another night of sitting alone at Brittany's asking the eternal question of, "So...what do you wanna do?" Maybe I really am vitamin-d deprived, and this is all a result of that. I really miss Lauren. I kinda wish I was with her, or she was with me. Whatever. She would find something to do to distract me from my mind.

Maybe when school starts up I'll be happier again. I drunkenly told Asa before the academic year ended that I didn't want to go home because of how things were here. Maybe I knew that Richmond Vermont is now a sad place missing two of it's boys and someone for me to talk to. Or maybe I have too much time and caffeine on my hands, and it's doing funny things to my head.
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(no subject) [May. 29th, 2007|09:06 pm]
Elsa McLaughlin
I now have two jobs. I'm not really complaining about it, because I know I'll need all the money I can get next year. However, I worry about conflicting schedules and lack of fun. Blah blah blah.

Onto some deep thinking.

So yesterday was what would have been Sam's 15th birthday. For those of you who weren't there, there was a huge party on the Volunteer's Green. Everyone brought a birthday cake, bands played and people played frisbee. Max made a small pirate ship with a SamStone and a note on it and set it off down the Winooski, and John made a rocket that he launched.

I don't like crying in front of people, so I did my crying the night before. Everyone seemed pretty good. The only person I saw break down was Mason, but I held him and you know he had plenty of love from his friends. Skanky Green played their Captain Sam song. That song is one of their best, and you can tell it's because they put their hearts into it. My favorite part is the line where they go (I'm not going to get this word perfect, but it's the general idea) "Captain Sam walked into Pakistan. He dropped a grin and walked back out again. And ever since then, don't you know, there's been peace." That line always makes me smile and tear up at the same time.

However, as I looked around the picnic, I began to notice some things that worried me a bit. What if Sam looses his identity as a person, and become more of an icon? I mean, we have several different t-shirts, SamStones, multiple organizations in his name, pins, arm bands, frisbees. Now, I am in no way saying that these are bad things in ANY way. I want to remember Sam, I do. He was an amazing boy who always put a smile on my face, but he's seems to be becoming a two-dimensional icon rather than a person who lived and breathed.

Maybe it's just me. When I'm close to something, I ussualy try to keep it quiet. I'm a pretty private person anyways, and I don't like showing my emotions. Maybe all this stuff is just a way for people to show their emotions. People who don't keep it private like me. It probably helps them to have their pain shown in an entire Sam outfit.

I don't know. I'm really just pretty emotional right now. My mom had never heard Rusty's band, so I played The Ballad of Captain Sam for her, and it put me in a mood. I really just...I don't know. I really don't know what to think, or really what to do. I guess I just need to be sad for a little bit, and not try to hide it so damn much.

Who knows. I'm going to stop typing now.
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(no subject) [May. 16th, 2007|09:49 am]
Elsa McLaughlin
[music |The Mix Summer''s made me]

Hello again everyone.

So Rusty and I met last night and went for a walk in the rain. We talked about some shit, and had a deep conversation about our relationship and where we stood with each other. After about 30 minutes of talking, we got bored and jumped in the back of my minivan. After all that was out of the way, we decided that since he's leaving for camp in about a month or two, and then he's heading off to Europe and me to school, we'll keep it "casual". I'm not really sure what that means exaclty. I think it means we'll hang out and have fun while we're at the same places at the same time, but when we're both off doing our things this summer, all bets are off. I could be wrong, but that's the way I'm viewing it. I would talk to him about it, but as you can see, we don't have the best communication skills.

On to my plans for suh-hum-mer fun. In short: I have none. I have an interview at LongHorn SteakHouse today at three for a waitressing job. Starbucks is also having a hiring fair in Burlington from 6-8 today, so I think I'll check that out too. I've put in applications at about every other business in town, from Mexicalli's to The Pottery Barn. I really just want someone to pay me for something!

My aunt Anne sent the family some tickets for a Cardinals game that the whole damn family is going to in June/July. It's my Grandma's 85th birthday, which is absolutely ancient when you think of it. That is almost friggen ninety (and Lauren, I know I have a tendency to round up dramatically, but that's a fairly accurate one) and I don't think I've ever known anyone who was over 80! I'm pretty stoked to go though, because I'll get to see my cousin Lauren.

Lauren is about 2 years older than I am, she has an older brother, my cousin, JD. JD is maybe...3 or 4 years older and has been avoiding family get-togethers since he was old enough to drive. Lauren and JD's parents, My Aunt Anne and Uncle John are filthy stinking rich 'cause Uncle John is the VP of the American Branch of Toyota. They're fairly nice people, but their children are a little spoiled, and my Aunt likes to do big extravagant things, like buy the whole family tickets to a baseball game. I'm still excited to see them, cause Lauren is a very cool chick and we get along fairly well.

I also did a little retail investigating and found that there's 2 Delia's outlet stores around where we'll be. I told Mother Dearest this glorious news, and she said we would have to check them out!! Yippee! Fuck baseball, I want Delia's!

Well that's all I've got for now. I guess I should shower and start me day. Patrick has "too much homework" so he's getting to stay home today. Maybe if he actually used his time on the computer doing homework instead of watching porn, he might get shit done. But whatever, I'm not a 16 year old boy. Who am I to judge? Ew.
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(no subject) [May. 8th, 2007|01:20 pm]
Elsa McLaughlin
Harry, acting professor and head of the theater department is walking around his office. He is wearing a shirt that says "Cocaine; It's the Dear Thing" that's about 3 sizes too small, and a black baseball cap that says "Fuck You You Fucking Fuck!" and he has just now stolen my cell phone and is prank calling people in my phonebook.

Ty, I am so excited for you to come here. Prepare yourself.
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